Rebuild: Creatures of Habitat.

“Creatures of habitat.”

We talk a lot about humans being creatures of habit, but we are also creatures of habitat. What I mean is we can become conditioned to the places we exist in for long periods of time.

The next time you come home from work, think about what things you do, when you walk in the door. Are your actions similar? is your conversation similar? is everything a bit Groundhog Day for you? How are these behaviours influencing your habitat?

Is this good, bad, or otherwise? Does it really matter? For example, have noticed when you go to a friend’s house that basic things in their home are laid out in a similar way? If you want to find a knife and fork, it’s not very hard to do, is it? Our behaviours become subject to the environments we create.

It’s fascinating to think about this from the animal kingdom perspective. Let’s look at an animal like the meerkat, yes, those cute little creatures who poke their heads out of the ground and often appear on social media accompanied by voice overs or music. Experts will tell us that the behaviour of a meerkat is very intentional, and it is all in aid of sustaining the environment they live in, (their habitat). The purpose of their habitat is survival, safety, and succession.

However often our habitats are influenced by other experiences. Unlike a meerkat who just gets on with what they need to do, we have very strong emotional bonds to our habitats. The emotional bonds condition us to how we respond and behave in our habitats. For instance, if I worked somewhere and had several bad experiences, I would be reminded of those bad experiences every time I entered that habitat. This preconditions my behaviour to be cautious and guarded in that workplace even when things are okay again. We need to feel safe, valued and cared for.

If we have had bad experiences in a habitat, we need to find ways to resolve the hurt that has happened rather than just alter out physical environment.

“Changing where you are is easier than changing how you feel, but in the long run it’s the relationships that matter so restore them”

Susan Heitler Ph.D. Has created a helpful survey which you could apply to home or work.

Rate the following statements as True or False for you.

___1. Family members seldom criticize me, and I rarely criticize them, though we do quietly give each other feedback when there's been a problem.

 ___2. I generally feel comfortable saying what I think and expressing what I want to do, even if sometimes others may disagree with me.

 ___3. We seldom if ever use loud, angry, or even quietly annoying voices in our family. If someone does sound irritated, they usually apologize afterward and explain that they were tired, hungry, worried, or overwhelmed.

 ___4. No one in our family would hit, push, or in any way aim to hurt anyone else in the family. There's also no verbal hurting, like from snide remarks or mean comments.

 ___5. When we disagree with each other, we listen to try to understand each other's point of view.

 ___6. No one calls each other names.

 ___7. When something has gone wrong, each of us focuses on what we can contribute toward fixing the problem. No one looks to figure out whose fault the problem was or looks who they can blame.

 ___8. We often tell each other that we love each other, appreciate each other's strengths, take pride in each other's accomplishments, share with each other what we have been doing during the day, and all pitch in with the household work that keeps the family going.

 ___9. We have fun together.

 ___10. We value highly being there for each other throughout our lives. We are a family.

 My 5 Learnings:

·       I am responsible for the mood of my regular habitats, like work and home

·       I need to find ways to help create positive experiences for those around me

·       Ensure that conflict is dealt with and resolved while keeping relationships in tack

·       Create healthy habits that help those around me, in my habitats

·       I am responsible for forgiving anyone who has hurt me

Sometimes refurbishing or changing a physical environment can be a good way to help us work through hurt. But this will only be effective if effort is going in to repairing the hurt as well.

My 3 Questions for you:

·       What habitats do you feel uncomfortable in and why?

·       Who do you need to forgive?

·       What habits are you establishing that help you to lift the mood of your home and/or work life?

“It is possible for a difficult or broken relationship to be a place of health and emotion again, demonstrate love, and forgive.” Anonymous

If you have something you have learnt from this blog, or if there is something you have questions about, please talk to me. I would be happy to chat with you.

 Remember daily to, “Find value in your influence”