What’s that? Looks can be deceiving
It’s only an illusion. You don’t need to go to a magic show to see an illusion, you just need to look at your phone or take a walk down the street. Daily our minds are filled with images that are filtered, touched up, or graphically imposed to make us think something else about what we believe and are actually seeing.
“Seeing is believing, but what are you seeing?”
Recently I was walking with my wife along the waterfront of a city we were visiting. We were dressed casually and moving at a relaxed pace. I was wearing a hoodie and had a backpack. I noticed a guy had come up beside me and was smiling at me, he nervously asked if I had any weed! (No, I didn’t have weed). Initially I was surprised but then laughed and made light of this strange encounter and he went on his way. After that we were trying to align what it was about us that gave the impression that we had weed on us. There was something he perceived that made him think we did and that motivated him to ask the question.
Mistaken identity, or perceiving situations unclearly is not uncommon. I imagine as you are reading this you will be thinking about your own situations of mistaken identity.
So, what is it that puts you in these situational frames of misinterpretation? Below are some things for you to consider that are simple, and I think will help you understand this more.
You can become conditioned to a certain context. Context such as physical locations and associations, that stimulate an emotional response from the mental cues and connections.
· Physical locations and associations
- This could be a regular place you visit or attend and or where you meet different people. The reasons for visiting will be vast like social outings, work, shopping, recreation and more. Like the story above, where we were and how we appeared was enough for someone to think we were able to fulfil a need they had.(Weed) This most likely occurred because they had done it before or had been told that’s where they could go to get it.
· Emotional stimulus and responses
- These can be good and bad stimuli. For example, if we go somewhere and have a good experience and fulfil a need, we are likely to go back to the same place to fulfil it again. In the reverse, if we go somewhere that is bad and don’t fulfil a need we are not likely to go back. The more we do this the more it imbeds a mental cue. This will help with building confidence in our desire to enter the space again or not.
· Mental cues and connections
- Cues can take on different forms in you. They could be formed beliefs, credible intel, or innate responses to day-to-day activity and auto function. These are the cues that are leading you to see what you see and how you interpret it, based on the above points of physical and emotional.
Think about what your response would be to a situation where you saw your best friend who has a partner having what looked like to be an intimate liaison with someone else at a restaurant or secluded location. What did you think? Most of you would have assumed the worst, and that your friend was having an affair. This is all because you have derived an outcome from a physical location and association that stimulated an emotional response from previous mental cues and connections.
So, what can you do to ensure you get things right or at worst, better in this space.
· Check your mental cues and connections by asking more questions and being more mindful and present about the associations you are making
· Take time to assess your own beliefs and the lenses you are using to see things through
· Remove assumptions by assessing yourself as to what you sense, on a scale of most trusted information to most untrusted information.
My 5 Learnings:
· Its easy to assume and misinterpret situations
· Locations could prompt me to see things out of context
· My emotional responses to situations are determined by the type of experience it was
· I need to assess my beliefs and the lenses I view situations
· I should ask more questions to avoid misinterpreting situations
This is an area of growth and development for all of us. Start with yourself first and ask where you are likely to assume the wrong thing and why you see it that way.
My 3 Questions for you:
· How can you be sure you are not assuming situations?
· What questions could you ask to seek clarity about a situation ?
· What will you do the next time you assume something and find it to be wrong?
“A person's assumptions reveal who they are, more than the words they utter.”
― Wayne Gerard Trotman
If you need help with assumptions, or if you have questions, please talk to me. I would be happy to chat with you and help.
Remember daily to, “Find value in your influence”
Written By: Paul Fawcett.
