Saying No: This is okay sometimes.

“No” is what is said in a moment of retreat, safety, or belief. Saying no can often be hard to do when you know it’s something you can help with or that you feel compelled to be a part of.

The movie Hacksaw Ridge is based on the true story of Pfc. Desmond T. Doss  who won the Congressional Medal of Honour despite refusing to bear arms during WWII on religious grounds. Doss was drafted and ostracized by fellow soldiers for his pacifist stance but went on to earn respect and adoration for his bravery, selflessness, and compassion after he risked his life, without firing a shot, to save 75 men in the Battle of Okinawa.

Doss had his own reasons for saying no, his purpose was clear that he wanted to enlist but didn’t want to kill. This motivated him to arguably achieve something far greater than all the other soldiers that were there with guns, saving lives. He endured persecution, disappointment, hardship, and betrayal, all because he said no.

“Saying no can be uncomfortable, but beneficial”

Saying no can be uncomfortable, but beneficial. Some reasons for saying no are:

·         Misalignment with purpose, mission, and values

·         Creating space to assess and have time to think

·         Health, Safety and Wellbeing

·         Misalignment with beliefs

The benefits of saying no include:

·         Avoiding unnecessary frustrations by not putting yourself in a compromising situation

·         Allowing a sense of freedom of choice

·         Removing the pressure of an unspoken expectation

·         Providing clarity to what you will say yes to

·         Helping others understand what is important to you

Saying no doesn’t always come naturally, especially if you are a person that struggles with saying no. Understanding why you say no, is important. Use the checklist below as a guide to decide when to say no:

·         Is this important? yes/no

·         Am I passionate about this? yes/no

·         Will this use my strengths and talents? yes/no

·         Will this help me and not hurt me? yes/no

·         Will this benefit others? yes/no  

The more no’s you check off, the more reason you have to say no.

Allowing time to think and check through some of the key reasons as to why you might say no is helpful. Use the list above as a reference.

 My 5 Learnings:

·       Saying no to one thing can mean I’m saying yes to something else

·         Saying no creates space to think and consider other options

·       The reasons for saying no need to line up with my purpose

·       It’s important to be clear why I’m saying no

·       Saying no removes the pressure of an immediate response

Saying no is an indication that you are understanding your limits and keeping some personal boundaries in place. Be mindful that when someone asks you to do something they will generally be hoping for a yes , not a no. Your response needs to be considerate of this and communicated in a way that keeps the relationship intact.

My 3 Questions for you:

·       Do you find it hard to say no?

·       What can you do to understand when to say no?

·       Are you respectful of a person’s decision to say no?

“Know when to say ‘no.”

― Frank Sonnenberg

 If you need help with saying no, or if you have questions, please talk to me. I would be happy to chat with you and help.

 Remember daily to, “Find value in your influence”

Written By: Paul Fawcett.